


Take my love

by lilucath



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/F, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 13:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9324968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilucath/pseuds/lilucath
Summary: Julia knew she had to find a way to find Reynard to get her revenge.Even if that meant making a deal with the man who tried to kill all of them.But Julia didn't think about the consequences of what would happen, when the Beast took her ability to love as payment for his help.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written based on an idea by a friend.

“You want a deal?” His voice caused shivers to run down her spine and made her uncomfortable in her skin. Julia tightened the grip around the knife in her hand as she watched the Beast standing in front of her.

“Yes. I need to kill a god and I need your help.”  
   
The Beast pretended as if he had to think about what she just said before he spoke up again. “Alright. But my help comes with a price.”  
   
Julia tried to give her voice the usual icy and indifferent tone, but failed miserably. “Name it.”  
   
“I want you to give me your love.”  
   
Her face slipped from a controlled hard expression to utter confusion. “My what?”  
   
His chapped lips twisted into a sick grin. “I will help you kill Reynard and for that you will give me your ability to love. Deal?”  
   
He held his hand out for her, wiggling his six fingers while looking at her in expectation.  
   
Julia felt like she was in a shitty movie, as she thought about his terms. Who the hell takes the ability to love as a form of payment.  
   
“Deal.” Julia figured, that she hadn't had anything to loose. All she knew that she had to kill Reynard and even if in order for making him pay for what he did she had to make a few sacrifices.  
   
She placed her hand in his and shook it. As she wanted to let go, the grip of the Beast's hand tightened and he pulled her close enough for him to place other hand on her forehead.  
   
“Reynard still has people who serve him in this city.” The Beast hissed, his bad breath making Julia shiver with disgust and a knot started to form in her throat. “The list in your pocket has all of their names on it. One of them will be able to give you another summoning spell.”  
   
Julia reached into the pocket of her coat with her free hand and her fingertips felt a piece of folded paper that hadn't been there a few moments ago.  
   
“Now to what I want.” He closed his eyes and started to mumble words under his breath. His hand on her forehead started to feel hotter by the minute, but then a jolt of pain ripped through her head making her knees weak and she fell to the hard ground with a scream.  
   
Her breath was going fast, her hands on her head, Julia tried to grasp what just happened. The pain had faded as soon as she had hit the floor, but now she felt like something was missing. The world around her seemed grayer than before, as if someone had flipped a switch and removed all the colors and now all she was able to see anymore was black and white.  
Her thoughts wandered to her family and her friends. Everything that she knew she loved. Had loved.  
Now all she felt was indifference. She no longer cared. She remembered that she had cared, but know she didn't understand how carrying felt. Julia just felt empty.  
   
“What did you do to me?”  
   
“Only what we agreed on.” And with that the Beast disappeared in a single movement of his hands, leaving behind the empty shell of a woman who had been full of love once.  
   
   
   
No one noticed. Julia had thought that other people would become aware of the fact that she no longer cared about any of them. Taking her love didn't apparently just mean that she didn't love anyone or anything anymore, without her love she didn't feel anything. No anger, no fear. Just emptiness.  
Kady was the only one who made a few remarks about her being extra cold towards the world ever since she came back from Fillory. But in the end Julia made her believe that that was due to the fact of what Reynard had done to her.  
   
She hadn't managed to tell anyone about what the Beast had taken from her. A part of her knew that they wouldn't believe her, another part didn't want to deal with the pitiful looks she would get when they did believe her.  
   
   
And if Julia was honest, in the moment it didn't matter that she felt like robot. All that she cared about was that she had to find Reynard to kill him. The fact that she didn't care about anything else could wait.  
   
   
Kady had offered that she would help Julia get revenge. It had been her friends as well that Reynard had murdered.  
The two girls were spending almost every minute together. Looking through books trying to find a spell that could help them make Reynard reappear on their terms so that she couldn't do any harm. Or hunting down the people or creatures which names had been on the list the Beast had given her.  
   
At the beginning Julia thought she was imagining things, but after a while it became undeniable how often Kady seemed to stare at her a lot and a faint touch of red spread across her cheeks every time Julia caught her. The girl then always started to fumble around on the hem of her shirt or ran her hand through her hair while looking everywhere else but in Julia's direction. They were even sharing a bed by now. And almost every morning Julia woke up with Kady having her arms wrapped around her. But when the girl woke up she jumped at the contact, was completely flustered and ran out of the bedroom, refusing to ever talk about it.  
   
   
   
Julia figured Kady's weird behavior was just because of the way she had changed, but when they had visited a woman who introduced herself as the most alluring creature on earth she had realized what was really happening.  
   
While they had been talking to the woman from time to time a few of her people had entered the room and looked at her with the same soft expression in their eyes that Kady had when she looked at Julia.  
   
But it wasn't until the succubus had spilled it out for her.  
After the woman had told them that she hadn't worshipped Reynard in nearly 150 years, she had asked to speak to Julia alone and Kady had left the room after asking three times if Julia was okay with that.  
   
“Honey. Are you blind?” The woman threw her hands in the air.  
   
Taken back at the question Julia answered a quiet: “No.”  
   
“But you don't see it.” The woman seemed to be completely in shock.  
   
“See what?”  
   
The succubus signed defeated. “The way your friend looks at you.”  
   
“What way?”  
   
A warm smile spread across her lips. “Your friend is utterly in love with you.”  
   
“I don't think she is in love with me.”  
   
“Oh honey, that girl is head over heels for you. And I know this because everyone worships me from the moment they see me, but your friend didn't even bat an eyelash. Her love for you is too strong. But you... You also didn't fall for me. I wonder.. Give me your hand.”  
   
Completely confused Julia extended her hand in the direction of the woman. The succubus took it and flinched at the contact as if she had burned herself on Julia's skin. “He took it. Your love.”  
   
It wasn't a question, but Julia answered nonetheless. “Yes.”  
   
“Does she know?”  
   
“No.”  
   
Her lips twisted into a sad smile. “Your friend. Take care of her. But be careful, your situation.. could end badly for the both of you.”  
   
The succubus placed a light kiss on Julia's forehead and for one moment she could breathe easier. But then the heaviness of her colorless world came back down and the emptiness returned.  
   
   
   
   
Reynard's.. Richard's dead body was lying in the middle of the summoning symbol they had drawn on the floor of her apartment. The Leo blade had cut through him like it went through butter. His hopeless screams when Julia had stabbed him were still ringing in her ears.  
   
She had thought that killing him would help her feel better, but now she was staring at his body and didn't feel any different. Arms and legs spread in weird angles, the puddle of blood next to him already clotted and starting to dry.  
   
Something rustled behind her and she turned around. Kady was sitting on the couch, a bottle of whiskey in her hand that she took a gulp from from time to time.  
   
“There have been way too many dead bodies in here.” She tried to joke, but Julia could see the tiredness in her eyes and the grief she still felt for Silver, Bender and the others they had lost to Reynard.  
   
Julia ripped herself finally way from Reynard's body and walked over to Kady to sit down next to her and take a swing from the alcohol.  
   
“How are you feeling?” Kady asked, as she accepted the bottle from Julia again.  
   
“I don't know.” Julia couldn't think of a way to express how she didn't feel anything about having just murdered her rapist and not sound broken.  
   
Kady took another big sip from the bottle while staring at her. She then placed the bottle onto the ground next to the couch and turned to Julia again.  
   
“What are we gonna do now?”  
   
“What do you mean?”  
   
“Well we just killed the god who murdered our friends and raped you. What's next?”  
   
“I don't know.” Julia was taken back by the question. She hadn't spent a single thought on what she would do after she had succeeded in killing Reynard. “I think I would enjoy just sitting here with you for a while.”  
   
Her last sentences seemed to have caused a change of expression in Kady's face. The smile that had been playing in the corners of her mouth disappeared and instead she bit her lip, while signing and running one hand through her hand.  
   
“I am gonna regret this either way..” It sounded as if she was more talking to herself and not with Julia.  
   
“What are you talking about?”  
   
“This.” And with that Kady, cupped Julia's cheeks with her hands and pulled her closer to kiss her. Julia felt Kady's lips move against her own and she remembered kissing people in her past and that kissing always meant a spinning head and tingles everywhere, but now she just felt nothing.  
   
Gently she placed her hand on Kady's shoulder and broke the kiss while pushing her back.  
   
“No.. I'm.. I'm sorry.” She knew that this wasn't right. Kady deserved to kiss someone who felt butterflies in their stomach when kissing her. Not a broken robot like her.  
   
It took Kady a second to come back from the trance of a kiss, but then the soft expression on her face, hardened and Julia could see the pain behind her eyes. “You don't feel anything?”  
   
“No.. You don't understand. I don't feel any love.” Julia knew it was probably much too late to explain what the Beast had done to her and apparently those were the wrong words.  
   
Kady's face was now twisted with anger. “You don't feel any love for me? No don't answer that... Just.. forget it.”  
   
Kady jumped up from the couch, grabbed the bottle of whiskey and ran out of Julia's apartment. The door fell shut with a loud bang leaving Julia behind with a dead body and the face that she knew that she should feel something. Anything.  
Joy for being kissed by a beautiful woman. Sadness about having rejecting her. Guilt, for not explaining her situation earlier.  
   
But instead she didn't feel anything and she knew she should care, but she just didn't.  
   
   
   
   
A few days later, Julia was standing in front of the frozen food aisle in a supermarket as she felt her world shift again. The pain in her head from when the Beast had taken her ability to love returned and she let go of the basket she was holding. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the old lady that was standing a few feet to her right jump, but then the pain became unbearable and she fell to ground, her hands on her head, her nails digging into the skin. Her ears started to ring until the pain just suddenly stopped and darkness fell over her as she lost consciences.  
   
When she awoke again, the first thing her eyes saw were blinking white lights on the ceiling. Then she felt cold creeping through her clothes from the hard floor she was laying on. Only then she noticed the three worried faces that looked down on her.

“What...?” She brought one hand to her head  
   
“Are you alright, Miss? You just fainted. Do you want us to call anyone?” One of the faces looking down on her was the old woman who she had startled when she had dropped her basket.  
   
“No, I'm.. fine. Thanks.” She sat up and had to close her eyes for a moment as she felt another wave of dizziness wash over her again.  
   
Julia took a few deep breathes and with every inhale she felt how the world around her seemed to change again. Something inside had shifted. It was as if the piece the Beast had taken from her had returned. The gray world she had to walk through for the past few weeks was starting to color in.  
   
And then suddenly it crashed down on her and she felt it again. All the love she had inside her. For her family. For her friends. For magic. But then one name was cutting through the mist of feelings and colors returning and Julia almost fainted again.  
   
“Kady.”: was all she managed to breathe out.  
   
“I am sorry, love. What did you say?”  
   
Julia had completely forgotten that people were still staring at her while she sat on the ground.  
   
“I have to talk to her.” She started to get up and the other two people helped up while the old lady was still looking at her utterly confused.  
   
“You have to talk to whom?”  
   
After a quick search through the bag she still wore over her shoulder she found her phone. “Kady, of course.”  
   
With quick steps she hurried towards the exit of the store while already dialing Kady's number, completely missing the confused expressions her behavior had caused on the three people still standing around in aisle six.  
   
Every step she took seemed to bring back more and more of the feelings she should have felt during the time she had spent with Kady during their research for spells and hunt for people who worshipped Reynard.  
   
She hadn't seen Kady ever since she had rejected her and the guilt for that finally caught up to her.  
   
As Kady didn't pick up her phone, Julia decided to check if the girl was at her apartment.  
   
She knocked for what felt like an eternity but no one opened, though she could hear music blasting through the thin door.  
   
Without spending another minute thinking about it, she fingercasted a spell she had seen Kady quite a few times to pick locks and the door swung open at the second try.  
Kady's apartment was a mess. Empty bottles of farious forms of alcohol everywhere and what Julia hoped were empty pizza boxes.  
   
A giggle from a closed door to her left caught her attention and she stormed right into the room only to find herself in Kady's bedroom staring at Kady lying in bed staring emotionless at the ceiling while a redheaded girl was sitting on top of her placing kisses along her jawline. Both only wearing underwear.  
   
What the..” Kady cursed as she saw Julia standing in the middle of the room and pushed the girl off of her.  
   
The redhead looked like she was about to complain for a second before she noticed Kady's shocked stare in Julia's direction and turned around to look just as shocked.  
   
“You.” Julia pointed at the redhead. “Leave now!”  
   
The girl's expression didn't change and Julia had to yell “Leave!” again before the redhead was finally able to move.  
   
After collecting a few pieces of clothing from the ground she glared at Kady and Julia before huffing and finally leaving.  
   
As the girl was finally gone, Kady seemed to have collected herself enough to jump off the bed and put a shirt on.  
   
“What the hell, Julia? You don't get to show up here like this.” Kady ran her hand through her hair like she had done so many times before, but for the first time Julia felt her heart jump at the movement.  
   
“Shut up.”  
   
“Wha-” Kady didn't manage to say anything else before Julia launched herself at her. Pressing her lips with desperation against Kady's and feeling how Kady kissed her back Julia finally felt what she should have been feeling when they kissed for the first time.  
   
The force of her pushing herself towards Kady had caused the two girls to stumble backwards until Kady's back hit the wall behind her.  
   
Julia felt how Kady wrapped her arms around her and stun her around now pressing her against the wall their bodies flushed together.  
   
As Kady gently sunk her teeth in Julia's bottom lip she couldn't help but to let out a quiet moan.  
   
This caused Kady to stop in her tracks and push herself off of Julia.  
   
“What the hell? What are you doing?” She took a few steps, trying to bring some distance between her and Julia.  
   
“I owe you an apology. I should have explained why.. I rejected you when you kissed me after we killed Reynard. You deserved to hear the truth much sooner.”  
   
Kady didn't reply. Instead she crossed her arms in front of her chest and raised an eyebrow waiting for Julia to continue.  
   
“Remember when I told you that I had the list with the names of Reynard worshippers from Richard? Yeah, I lied. I got it from the Beast. I made a deal with him when we came from Fillory. I needed his help. And he agreed to help, but I had to give him something. And he.. I know this sounds weird and stupid.” Julia was desperately trying to find the right words this time. “But.. he took my ability to love. I didn't feel anything anymore. No love, no anger, no fear. I was just empty. But I couldn't tell you about any of this, because I couldn't tell you that I made a deal with the person who tried to kill all of us. And I didn't think you would believe me about what he did to me even if I did tell you.”  
   
“This doesn't sound much like an apology.” Kady still didn't look very convinced.  
   
“No, this is me explaining why I was so cold during the last few weeks. And when you kissed me. I knew I should have felt something. You deserve someone who feels something when you kiss them. But I am sorry. I am sorry for not telling you about all of this. I am sorry for pushing you away. You didn't deserve that.”  
   
The girl standing in front of Julia let out a deep breath. “Why are you here now? And why did you kick.. her out? You can't love and that means I can't have fun with someone else?”  
   
“I am here now.. because somehow I seem to have gotten it back. I think that.. the Beast is dead. The others were able to kill him.”  
   
The hard expression on Kady's face started to soften a bit, but she was still not looking like she believed what Julia was saying.  
   
“Kady. I am here because now I feel everything that I should have felt all this time. I am here because your name was the one who made me realize I am no longer missing a piece of me. Now when I look at you... I don't feel nothing anymore... I just feel.. everything.”  
   
She stepped closer towards Kady, almost expecting her to try to get away again. But the girl stayed glued on her spot and Julia careful took one of her hands she was still holding crossed in front of her chest and placed it over her heart.  
   
“I feel like myself again, but all I can think about is your stupid face.” Julia admitted honestly.  
   
A small laugher escaped Kady's lips and her lips turned to a smirk. In her eyes Julia finally found the expression again, the succubus had spoken about. A wave of relief washed over her as she looked into Kady’s face and found it no longer twisted by anger.  
   
Slowly Kady cupped her chin with one hand while wrapping the other arm around her waist. “You are the one with the stupid face.”  
   
And then Kady's lips were moving against hers again and as she linked her arms behind her neck to deepen the kiss, the world around them disappeared.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any suggestions or questions or just want to yell at me, come talk to me on tumblr. http://lilucath.tumblr.com
> 
> Or if you want to yell at the person who had the idea to this. http://gaycanary.tumblr.com/


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